Well. First things first, the grammar could use some work. It is readable, although I can't deny that it hurts my eyes and this is coming from a brasilian writer who also struggles with english grammar! The main plot also seems to be initially just your everyday typical VR novel although it quickly switched to the stereotype reincarnation with a system. The MC just seems to be one of those dumbasses and probably he is gonna end up just like those clichê protagonists. For the good points, although the grammar is pretty bad I can't say it's the worst I've ever seen since I saw things that could make anyone feel the desire to drink bleach and put clorox on their eyes, so congrats because your novel is nowhere near close those garbages. Despite this story being quite my cup of tea I can say this author has a lot of potential for future growth so I'm looking forward to your future stories. Everyone needs to start somewhere, even the first chapters of my first novel are also pretty bad.
Sorry for being harsh on the review but I decided to be honest here, it is going to surely help you in the future.
