I liked the plot, it gives us the glimpse of the horrible effects of war, causing families to torn apart and the trauma that the young childen has to go through. Although, I think the paragraphs are too long, some readers tend to skip long chaps. Also, I got lost sometimes in the middle of dialogue tags but overall the story has feels to it. Lastly, I kind of wanting to know how the two brothers cope up in those 5 years after losing their father. This is a good read! ??
The synopsis looks incredible. What's the raw?
Plot holes. Confusing backstory with things unexplained. Writing feels like it lacks planning. Mc makes poor choice in particular in how he spends his points and overall interacts with the system. Terrible name choices. And strange behavior from other characters that doesn't make much sense.
It like the mentality of the protagonist is of current society , he glares at a robot,he goes in a market which is exactly like our current stores,talkes about uploading consciousness but has to walk to a store and they need bot guards with plasma rifles, also the store robot has a submissive voice, more like exact ideology of current world with high technology even that technology is thought with pathetic standard ,I m only giving it 3 stars on 3 Ch if it improves I will Improve the rating.
I'm gonna be honest here. The story is really interesting. While attracting the readers, it provides an enjoyable read. However, there are some things that were annoying. I'm going to give a review now:
─Writing Quality 5/5
Word Usage: Let me give you a piece of advice here: DON'T try to use different words and phrases UNTIL you've thoroughly understood the usage of that word/phrase in a real sentence. Using synonyms is fine to not have repetitive words; however, if you've not still come to understand where, when, or how to use it, it would be better to not use it at all and go for the same word you know how to use.
Word Repetition: Some words get used too much in every paragraph. For example, I got annoyed hearing "her" every few seconds while reading. I checked until chapter 12 and there were like +600 times that you used "her", which means 50 per chapter. That's a lot. I understand it's hard to write while giving attention to such stuff, but why not use more creative sentences? I, as an author, understand that one can get affected by the atmosphere itself and use the same sentence form all over again. If you go and check out an official and professional book, you'd understand that they keep the repetitive sentences and words at a minimum. And even if you have to use them, putting some different, creative sentences between them would lessen the effects, which it might have on the readers.
Grammar: I noticed some problems here and there, but it's almost perfect.
Writing Style: It's great. I never felt bored reading, so keep things up as how they are.
Punctuation: I found you using it right in sometimes and wrong in some other times. I guess you need to edit your work before publishing? That would help a lot since some wrong punctuational problems would make the readers confused.
If you're a native speaker, then maybe you should take a look at your work before publishing? If not, it's fine. Putting minimal errors aside, I think I should give something between 4 and 5 stars, so I will go and round it up to 5! :P
─Stability of Updates 5/5
25 chapters in 8 days? Sounds beyond perfect! Keep releasing chapters at this rate and you can get to the TOP! 21 per week, or 3 per day, is ideal in WN!
─Story Development 5/5
We have to talk about it when there are +100 chapters, but things look to be fine until chapter 24. I like how things progress forward. One can keep reading until the end.
However, what most of the writers find difficult is continuing this process when we're going forward in the story. While the background gets more immense and huge, it gets harder to move the reader along with the events.
─Character Design 5/5
You have your style and I like it. I can get a good connection with the characters. Their appearance, behavior, and objectives are realistic and understandable
─World Background 5/5
It's set well. There are some flaws but maybe it's because there are not many chapters yet? Anyways, not gonna spoil things here so I'm going to end my review now.
Overall, it's a good read and I'd place it at the top compared with the other novels of the same genre. (Let's be honest, there are many ****ty novels out there in WN that don't deserve their spot)
Keep up the good work and don't drop it.
Oh, I was going to forget! Lemme advise you a bit:
1- Release one of your chapters at 00:00 time in China (To get those **). Release the others during the time that your novel has been read more than the other times. You can also consider the location of the majority of your readers and release the chapters according to that information.
2- Split the chapters with too many words into more chapters with fewer words.
3- Always be in contact with your readers through the "Author's Thought". It can motivate them to give comments, keep on reading, and enjoy the story to a greater degree.
I love love love it, the plot events that happened in the book makes me foe all like my blood is boiling
Hey hey hey
I really love the original story but what you did here was too off with all the exaggeration in the number of slaves and also why does the Mc have to be so disturbed.
Well I at least expect it improves.
Hey Webnovelist!Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to email [email protected] We are mainly looking for adventurous novels (Fantasy, Sci-fi, Paranormal Urban, Action, Thriller/Suspense, Game Fiction). A brief introduction along with a few samples or links will be appreciated when reaching out. You might be our next top writer!
Hey there!Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact [email protected]. A brief introduction, some sample charpters or links will be appriciated when reaching out.
Story is great just do better punctuation please thats all i have to say so please do more. Filler for 140 word count filler filler filler filler
I liked this book, cool setting, and storyline. I have reviewed this book I hope the author comes and does it to mine also, lol kidding.