Since there is only one chapter, this review could mean nothing and should be taken with a grain of salt as I too, am just an a m a t e u r writer.First off, I don't understand who is narrating and what person (2/nd and 3/rd) the story is being told in. The starting paragraph doesn't really captivate the reader too much, and it shows a lack of effort put into it. (What I'm saying is — it sounds like the story is beginning with someone just telling the story at a dinner table or something. Grammar is alright and nothing that's unreadable or anything, so that's nice. I however, can't get a picture in my head of what I'm witnessing here. There are no descriptions of anyone basically, and no real location I can imagine. Yes, he was in a bar, but where is he now? The street? The bar? The bathroom? I don't know. This is a comedy, as clearly labeled by the author. And there is a lot of cussing. So if you like curse words and immaturity this might be a very well read for you. (Not my cup of tea personally) I'm also not very used to seeing names followed by a ":" and then they talk. It makes the dialogue bland and lacks emphasis. The story has potential if it's consistent and appeals to a certain audience other than myself. Once again, I personally don't read Harem/Comedy/System, so this review can mean nothing to you. It's just some of my thoughts with an unbiased rating. Keep writing and improving! Cuz that's what writing is about!
The writing style is amazing. English is perfect for me.This is my first time following a gaming novel, but I know it will be good because the author's other novel is also very interesting. This author writes very well action scenes and gives you a good picture of the world through his words. I highly recommend this to everyone!
When Brother Paranoid asks for reviews, I do what I don't otherwise bother to do and review. Unpredictable plot and not wish-fulfillment, I still am not sure how this low realm can permit such great things to exist.