Ryan manages to reach the exit door at 5:19 without a single scratch. Upon reaching the open field, he immediately dashes forward, having no time to appreciate the enormous, mossy wall behind him.
The ground started to tremble as Rentap slowly unsheathing his parang.
Frog intercedes; Frog is a middle-aged man that wears his hair long to try to hide his age. He has a hefty smoker's voice with a deep growl to it. "Specs tells me he is being held in detention."
We followed them in the elevator and occupied one corner. Alex has plastered himself on me. His soft lips touched my skin near my left ear and his right hand snaked around my waist. His left hand went towards my hip and I wanted to moan loudly.
"Agnes, you all right?"
Thinking about these things she changed in her formal dress and made her hair.
"Jun, aren't you getting cheesy a bit too fast?"
I'm currently only ten chapters in, but I've already noticed some patterns that could be improved, especially in terms of writing quality. The big one for me is heavy use of passive voice eg: this character did instead of character said... Using a lot of existance verbs: did, was, is, will. I know the author isn't a native English speaker (I think) and this is a bit more nuanced then general English, but if he cut this out then his writing could be much better.This story isn't particularly unique, but it is still captivating and I'm enjoying it quite a lot. The main character is super generic, but it's still fun to read. A few of the author notes acknowledge his silly ideas and generic plot points, and to paraphrase him- what does it matter as long as it's awesome. I like this philosophy, and feel like this goes against the grain of other authors on this site who get mired down trying to explain away why their ideas aren't stupid.This authors strength lies in the fact that he gives enough detail to feel emersed and not so much that you stop feeling emersed. This author clearly has room for improvement but is definitely worth the read.
The girl tried sing a captivating song,
There was still a piece he was missing though, he wasn't able to put a label to the boxes containing those girls.
Eamon's glowed white as he looked at the tall student and the students behind him. The tall student pointed at Eamon and roared. His students charged at him, channelling their Energy. Eamon turned to the side and Ryouma stepped forward. Orion, Freyja and Carrick stared curiously seeing that Eamon had a junior fighting for him that was so young. Ryouma raised his hand up, pointing it at the sun. As the students charged at him, Ryouma just looked at the sun. As they came closer, Ryouma twisted and punched towards the incoming students. A powerful heatwave projected off of him, slamming into the students. They slowed down under the pressure. Ryouma then clenched his fist, sending another powerful pulse of energy. The heatwave that he had sent out then caught on fire.
"I didn't know you cared that much!" He smiled.