The plot is interesting but very common, I trust you for making something very unique out of this, I also like the male lead, kinda reminds me of Cobra, so globally your plot is good but i suggest you to download Grammarly, it will help you to drastically improve your writing
the most obvious flaw i can see are the way author word things. It's like reading mtl while you're out of it from what i can tell, just without the inconsistency of names, titles and etc. The second thing i'll say is that my suspense of disbelief immediately collapsed because of the implications from a couple sentences that relates to the science and logic of your world (the best wording i can do currently to get across my meaning). And yes while this is a xianxia novel and you shouldn't judge it based on real world physics but this novel also started on earth and should at least make some effort at being grounded in physics (even if it's the physics of sci fi media)Tldr: Wording definitely needs a lot of work and make some basic research on science because it reads like the science comprehension of a conspiracy theorist or someone who has enough knowledge of the existence of those words but only a halfway there to basic comprehension of them and how they relate.
Only read few chapters, but I think it's time for a review...
Well to begin with, I really do like the conversation between the characters, it's really gives you the curiosity of what's going to happen next....
the synopsis seems pretty eye catching too, I must say this is not some kind of ordinary vampire story ..
The flow, pace of this novel is pretty amazing too, Writer please do keep on updating
Overall your system story is very solid. Capable MC, no plot holes, overall grammar quality was fine too in terms of comprehending the story. You already have some experience as a writer so I won't nitpick the small details. I still recommend polishing the earlier chapters, especially parts with the run-ons since it's still a slight turn off for experienced readers. The early chapters are what hooks readers in, and you don't want to wait till your later chapters where quality drastically increases.Now to the crux of the stuff I feel like you could work on. Nothing major, but these are suggestions to think of. In MC's previous life, where he has his monologue in regards to his family begging him for money and whatnot. I'm not sure if you'd ever elaborate on his previous life further, but I personally felt a bit diappointed we weren't able to be much more of MC's personality. For example, Jobless Reincarnation features a similar start in terms of a NEET, but we get to see more on how he is ostracized by his peers and whatnot, giving us sympathy for the character and can relate to the the MC's trauma, hence a higher connection to said character. Comparing this to Jiang Ming, I just feel that his character is almost too perfect when he reincarnates. Nothing from his old life really influences him or anything, and he just seems to be all out op (and he does deserve to be so being in a game in which he's the number 1 player), with no real setbacks. Everything just seems to go his way no matter what to his benefit, and although this can be enjoyable to read for a new reader, in the long run it would become stale. I hope in the future chapters there will be stuff that has real stakes; real penalties for when he fails and they have to be situations where he isn't confident in himself to succeed. This way, not only will his character be more human-like and relatable, it'll also path away from the Gary Stu route.Another thing I wish to sort of point out is his relationship with his aunt. I understand how the relationship develops, but in a way it also feels too synthetic in how quickly she's willing to be in a relationship with her nephew. Perhaps it progresses too quickly for my tastes, and I know that this appeals to a percentage of readers, so this is slightly nitpicky. Overall, in terms of dialogue and interaction, I feel there is no issue. It's just specifically on this relationship that suddenly seems like both characters are ok with it, even though it's written in a fairly conservative setting. From mother to aunt to lover, the progression just feels so fast. Not only that, I haven't understood Kong Ming and his aunt's relationship clearly. This is more or less a suggestion and my thoughts. I like the system established, as it is very progressive and makes sense to follow along. Introducing it later was a good twist. Dialogue and Chinese traits felt authentic enough, and your formatting has been easy to read and follow. Physical descriptions were present for most characters (although it focused to the women mostly), so I would've liked to see some of the unimportant/throwaway side characters have some more descriptions too in order to paint a more vivid image. Adding some personality to them would also bring the quality up a notch, showing that they're not just the stereotypical trope and are driven by other hidden motivations. Nevertheless, I hope you are able to write a compelling villain for the main character to overcome. Tldr, your weaknesses mostly lie in small mistakes from your early chapters, and I wouldn't recommend ignoring them as experienced readers might find them off putting. Your book is a solid cultivation system novel overall, but there are definitely parts you can polish and revise to make it shine more. Be wary of some areas that might seem like possible plotholes, or having the character being too "perfect" that it starts becoming unrealistic.
During the first chapters I really felt that this is gonna be a really interesting story. But there are so many things I really have trouble to understand. 1. The author constantly jumps between scenes often without any intention of coming back to it. 2. In 41 chapters tons of ppl got introduced only to be completely left behind without further attention. 3. The reasoning and the hole chapter with Undine is imo terrible, especially when it comes to reasoning and behaviour of characters. 4. The storyline is in complete chaos because nothing is explained(except for some game mechanics), I can't even try to judge the world background because nothing is explained be it about the game world or the real world. The reader is constantly kept in the dark. While I think this could be a really good story, the behaviour of almost all characters feel childish and immature. For example Qianna(not sure about her name, the girl our MC saved from Aaron) was stronger than Aaron but after their first fight she never tried to get rid of him when he repeatedly attacked the MC. The only thing she'd did was watching and calling of "Watch out!". The list of unreasonable behaviour goes on and on and I don't understand why it is written like that. It takes away a characters credibility and makes it look laughable.
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Review Change: this webnovel 100% has the capability to stand side by side with the other top webnovels (for example, My Vampire System). the novel has a few grammer mistakes but that doesnt affect the meaning behind the paragraph the author is trying to express. Overall this webnovel is already in my top 10 favorites and i greatly urge new readers to give the webnovel 10 chapters before writing it off and you’ll be hooked. In all honestly, the biggest write off for most is the amount of chapters a webnovel has but if you give this one a chance, you wont regret it. Once the webnovel has a little over 200 chapters, I bet it’ll be a top webnovel as it rightfully deserves. That’s all from me. ?
Really bad book no interactions, 0 development, mc is always hiding even when is strong, translation is trash. basically overall don’t waste your time on this trash.
This first chapter was on fire. But I am surprised by how weak the author has made the MC. ig this will change. thanks again for such a good book
I loved the original write of unsightly gluttony so I'm looking forward to the rewrite.
Another story about a system and its useless host. It's tiring to see the same stories over and over again. I quit after 4 chapters because it was terrible.The writing quality is aweful. The author is too anxious to play with the system that we know next to nothing about the world but we can see the MC doing nothing and getting stronger, got a rare treasure and draw the attention of the school belle. I repeat I stopped after 4 chapters.The MC transmigrated and the host previous life was terrible. Parents abandoned him and he got no friends. Very convenient when you are an author who doesn't want to develop characters.
It is truly an amazing novel and I would have given it 5 stars, but it has not updated for a very long time now. I still recommend you read it,(especially if you’re looking for a reference on what a good novel looks like) but don’t expect an update anytime soon.