There's this one moment that I can't stop thinking about. Xie Wenxing, alone in his room, restless, grabbing a GIANT TEDDY BEAR and swinging it around like a weapon, then burying his face in it to muffle his frustration. And then pulling out a nearly worn-down pencil and gripping it like he's making a life decision.
"Feeling restless, he grabbed the giant teddy bear from his bed and gave it a few good swings, then buried his face in its plush belly, muffling his frustrated sounds into the soft fabric. Finally, he rummaged through his backpack at the foot of the bed and pulled out that nearly worn-down pencil. Gripping it tightly in his hand, his gaze gradually grew resolute."
This is the entire thesis of first love in two paragraphs. The teddy bear represents everything childish and soft about what he's feeling—this big, plush, helpless emotion that he doesn't know what to do with. He swings it, he buries his face in it, he can't escape it. And the pencil—that's the tool of his resolve. The pencil he's been using to draft his pursuit plan on A4 sheets. The same pencil that's nearly worn down from use, from thinking, from writing and rewriting and planning.
The worn-down pencil is such a perfect symbol. It's been used until it's small, until it's almost gone, but it's still holding shape. Still capable of making marks. That's Xie Wenxing—being worn down by this feeling but still moving forward with it.
And then there's the game element that the text introduces—the mission takers, the systems, the favorability points. Luo Yinyin reducing human connection to numbers, to scores, to competitive objectives. Xu Huai'an at 1 point for her, unreachable, immune. But Xie Wenxing doesn't have a score. He doesn't have a system. He just has this overwhelming, unquantifiable feeling that makes his heart race and his palms sweat and his face burn.
The story seems to be asking: what is more real—the calculated pursuit of a target, or the messy, unscripted, A4-sheet-drafting, teddy-bear-swinging reality of actually caring about someone?