The idea was perfect. I want to see where this would develop if you would continue writing it. Although the characters could use some work, I liked the premise. Not many people take something like NTR and try to make a good story out of it. Usually, most people just through a person's feelings out of the window and just end it there in NTRs. Respect for trying! And I want to see more.Spoiler Review:Main-Character used his [calm mind] ability after talking to his girl. Even though he himself was calm, his thoughts really weren't. Serenity isn't just not shouting and screaming. Just because you aren't visibly violentwhether verbally or physically, doesn't mean you are at peace or calm.Owen was anything but calm at that moment, even after using his ability.He ignored her reactions and stuttering as she tried to complete a sentence and was telling whatever he came up with- without noticing her obvious stressed and shocked state of mind. He was just trying to come out morally superior to her OR he tried to rush it- either reasons heavily implicate he himself was not calm at all. Regarding Jack, is that really all he wanted out of her? Did he dedicate himself to her for a year just for a quicky? He knew all the tricks about social dynamics and that was his conclusion? Don't get me wrong, he got me pretty riled up and I hated his guts but she let him choose her clothes, the way she acts, how to be more feminine- and you're telling me they never ONCE hung out? Or at least let Jack be near enough to drug her? It just doesn't fit- just as much as Owen being "calm" yet not listening to her at all.But- Like any story, nothing is perfect. And here, you have an option to edit your previous chapters. I hope you will someday come back here and make this work since I like video games and system stuff and, of course, Anti-NTR.Best regards, and good luck-Hazy.
