The remarks listed below can be seen as suggestions rather than glaring mistakes. They are quite subjective in character and merely portray my idea of the aspects of your work that have the potential to become more. This, however,- does not mean that I find your writing to be lacking. Quite on the contrary: when placed against other stories here on web novel, and I certainly do not exclude my own leisure storytelling, I find that your writing is certainly above the medium. Nor do I claim to have the ability to successfully tend to the remarks made below in my own work,- I merely hope to tell you, to the best of my ability, how it is to read your story.Firstly, I am a reader that wishes to be submerged into the scene. You already greatly succeeded in this in most scenes, but unfortunately, it is - abruptly so - entirely lost in others scenes. I know you have the ability, and would greatly enjoy seeing this in every single scene you create. The dialogue is decent and engaging, and I seldom feel as if the dialogue is obligatory and forced. I do not, however, enjoy the sound effects. I have come to find that many disagree with this, but in my personal opinion; they sound juvenile. Incredibly so. To the point that it disturbs the flow of your story which you have so carefully build. Again, this is very personal, and it has been often brought to my attention that this is quite a controversial point. Concerning the characters, I believe them to be entertaining but they don’t pique my interest in any particular way. I sympathise with them, but ever so often I fail to completely grasp them, and I lose the psychological character I had build of them in my head.Overall, I sincerely believe you did a good job. I enjoyed reading your story and look forward to seeing more of you in the future.
