The Flames Within

Cool begining with a promising future, and relatable characters that make the story belivable.   
I hope it continued to improve over time :]

Hello and an honest review from me. One thing I wanted to point out is you may try to break down the long paragraphs and I suggest you to separate the dialogues so the readers could read your book comfortably

Even though I'm not a huge fan of this genre, the story's premise seemed intriguing and unusual. I'm hoping it performs as well as the other chapters. expecting more.
Apart from that, the plot looks to have some promise. I'll keep an eye on it while keeping it in my back pocket to see if anything changes. It's not, however, my cup of tea.
I recommend it to anyone who is interested in this genre. The story is compelling and shows promise. It may be delivered in a more potent way.

The book is good and the story is also good. It takes a lot of hard work to write a book, I know it because I am also a writer.

You should write like this it will make it easier to read.

"Hi, are you new here," the girl asks.

"no, I have been working here for over a year now," the boy said.
It should be like this.

Interesting story, love the progression. It takes a lot of imagination and creative to write a virtual story. Need to write more chapters though

It is a nice story . The author has written it well.