I’m doing this review for the author because he requested help in improving his writing. First, I know that it is hard to give a story a rating based on only a couple of chapters and you are new, but there is much that needs to be done. The grammar of the story is bad. I’m not sure if English is your first language but there is quite a bit of incorrect grammar in your chapters. If English isn’t your first language I give you props as I personally know how hard it is to write in a second language. The punctuation is not done very well. There is much that could be fixed, but the easiest thing is to break up the page with paragraphs. After you finish a thought you start a new paragraph, otherwise it feels like a run on sentence. The story is only 2 chapters long, so at this point I can’t really say much as far as character development or even world background. You did make an attempt at setting the preface of the story, but I feel the grammatical errors made it less than it could have been. I can’t really comment much on update frequency or anything either. The storyline has a similar feel to many of the online novels so I can’t comment yet if you will put your own spin or twist on things and have a truly original feel to it. I believe there is potential but you definitely have a long way to go. I hope this review helps you godtierfreak, and don’t give up. I’ll check on your novel at s later time to see how it has improved.
