I wanna say that I really really like this story and I definitely want to keep up with reading it. There were points where you made my toes and fingers curl because I could just feel the pain. However, that pain that I felt didn't come from how you described it, it came from prior works that properly described the same things. Mentioning that it happened, I was able to recall on those past works that I had read. I don't feel that they are in pain and I don't feel that they're afraid other than you've said that they are. I think that for a series like this, emotions are very very important to portray correctly and I think that's definitely something you should work on. For example, you could have described her thumb being dislocated much better, and given a bit of detail to the beginning of one of their limbs being cut off without going into the whole thing. By the time you got to the part of how they were laying there with missing toes and fingers and they were bloodied and naked, I didn't really feel any of it and I should. I should be pitying them, and I should feel for them.Also, you wrote that the kidnappers wanted Zach to make out with Odette but he hesitates and this didn't really make sense to me. When he's so afraid like you said, and the two of them have been middle school sweethearts, they're already talking marriage - making out should be nothing at this stage in their relationship. When I was in middle school, we were all already making out with our boyfriends. Maybe it's a cultural thing, maybe they're more conservative, but if that's the case I think that you should make that clear. Otherwise it was really shocking that he didn't just do something that most couples do comfortably out in public. As for world background and character design, I feel like you didn't describe anything regarding these two things. I don't have much of an idea of what Zach and Odette look like other than their clothes during the 3rd regression. I'd like to see you expand on these things in the future.I'm going to keep reading because I still really like the plot and I want to know where it goes, but I would love to see you improve on these things. If you did that this book would be close to perfect.
