First off, it was actually a really good story for a while. He was op, but he didnt start with like the rinnegan or some other broken eye power. What he got was strong, but also versatile and used in a cool way. The downfall of the story is the female lead. The way she interacts with, becomes friends with, and partners with him is nonsensical. How is a 14 year old level 90+ have that much freedom? Realistically she would be a government slave or lab rat. The dialogue is just...forced and fake. Can you, author, really imagine two people in real life saying the things they said to each other outside the camp? And becoming his girlfriend just like that? For a battle hardened warrior, no matter the age, that was an immature and illogical thing to do. Also when she followed him, how does she have nothing better to do? She was base commander feom my understanding. Command positions involve 1 thing...paperwork, and she never does any? Unless that is how the school operates and it is completely independent from the government. If that was the case, the government was not nearly as oppressive as the mc thinks. Outside the character flaw that is the female lead, the mc is immature for someone with his childhood. Unless he is drunk on power nobody raised like that eould have the confidence to even dream of having a girl like the female lead. Sociological and Psychological conditioning would have made sure of that. Finally, some things in the world dont make sense, like hos a government issues mecha woth an AI in a world woth apparently nanotechnology relies on a code kept on a piece of paper in a professional pilot and solderis picket. Really? Overall though, it was still a great story derailed by poor exexution of the female lead. I would say work on making dialogue and character interactions less forced and plot driven, and more natural and character driven. Also, I would say reread your story and try to find things that dont add up like the mecha issue, I think you will find more than just that.
