Oh god this is a bad translation. Though, I guess another factor of that is lack of an editor. The previous translations also were organized and kept the TL comments and the actual dialogue separate, making it easier to read. Also (Though this isn't exactly an uncommon problem, in fact it's a very common one and it irritates me) the dialogue lines don't make it explicitly clear as to who is speaking and whatnot. But yeah, improvements: Get an editor, good translations live and die by a good editor(s). Keep your translator comments on their own line, because it tends to get in the way of reading. This one is specific to this LN since the author likes to switch perspectives on a dime, but please notify the reader as to which perspective you're in (Eliminates confusion). The rest just boils down to asking for advice on certain lines you can't translate on translator forums so you can improve your translation game (Something that takes time to improve).
