I like how Daren is being more of a reasonable person than Marceus. I have qualms about using mockery as an encouragement. Marceus! You can encourage people without teasing and degrading their person! Poor Daren. Evlin is such a savage! I can see why you have her as your favourite. Please give me more Lilith interactions!I've read the entirety of the updates and some concepts still confuse me for some reason, like the origin of beasts and spirits, or did I just miss them? Also, the consistent change of characters in focus is quite distracting. I suggest that you dwell on a particular group for an extended window before moving on to the next. The action scenes are quite abrupt, so it lessens the excitement. You do not need to use such complex words to relay an action; you just have to narrate to the readers what you're seeing in your mind as honestly as possible.I don't think that your grammar is that bad. Although, I have noticed overuse, misuse, and absence of punctuations in several passages. Punctuations are like the backbone of grammar. It allows the writers the opportunity to have better transitions. It is our job as writers to study te very grammar aids in out story-telling, and we are always learning. In addition to this, instead of using just adjectives, can you elaborate more on your descriptions? The readers would like to see the vividness of your imagination! :D I did not say anything out of spite. I hope that you take them as constructive. I'll be cheering you one! Your story has a great setting and there will definitely be readers who will love this utterly.
