It's a good story but the pace is TOO FAST!?Like, "Wait what? What happened again?" There's no time for readers to digest what's happening and the characters lack reaction (e.g. When the co-worker saw his new car or when the boss got pointed a gun and blackmailed)Also, you have a lot of mistakes with a & an, now & know as well as to & too... It would be great if you could separate the conversation into different paragraphs:I said, "...." My boss, "..." exclaimed. Something like that... I hope this helps your group... -from Originals Author Society