Hello, dear author. I see that your working hard on your stories, keep up the good work! Your idea was interesting. I just want to put some slight um suggestions if it's okay with you. Don't worry, I myself is still learning to be better, and I also want other such as you to improved to your gift that was given by the our, Lord, God most high in heaven. My suggestions is, if you could on your character dialogue. When the conversation was still ongoing and won't put end yet, you can put this (,) or if it already ended and won't be broaden further you can put this at the end sentence (.) also, one last thing, the indentions to your paragraph.That's all, over all was great! I hope, this could give you motivation to keep going on your passion in writing stories. Don't forget, any ideas is precious, and so does yours. Keep going! Don't worry, ? I myself is still improving.