Wow nice book, good talent and you deserve more reader's and reviews, I will like to share some tips to boost your book performance, Are you open to that ?
I’m giving you five stars—not for the quality of the work itself, but in recognition of your dedication and perseverance in reaching +200 chapters. That’s a rare achievement and a testament to your commitment to writing. However, after reading 20 chapters, I found several major issues that made it difficult for me to continue. These are key areas you should focus on improving in your future works.1 Pacing and Narrative DepthThe story progresses too quickly without delving deeply into the characters or their backgrounds. This makes it hard for readers to connect with them emotionally or understand their motivations. Characters need time and space to develop organically within the narrative.2 The Main CharacterThe protagonist comes across as overly simplistic and naive—traits that feel out of place for an adult character. To make your main character more compelling, consider the following:Ensure they have a mature and critical outlook on the world around them.Give them a charismatic presence—one of the easiest ways to achieve this is by incorporating wit and sarcasm into their dialogue.Establish a clear goal from the beginning, rooted in their backstory. Ideally, a tragic past can serve as a strong driving force.3 Writing Style and ReadabilityThe formatting of chapters and writing style currently make it difficult to fully immerse in the story. It feels as if the story is targeted at a younger audience or non-native English readers. To improve, work on enhancing descriptions, enriching the language, and avoiding oversimplification.4 WorldbuildingYou can simplify worldbuilding by drawing inspiration from well-known fictional worlds (Westeros from Game of Thrones, Avatar, Harry Potter, Made in Abyss), then reshaping them into something uniquely your own. However, it’s crucial to introduce world elements gradually through the protagonist’s observations or interactions with supporting characters rather than dumping all the information at once.5- Plot and Story StructureBuilding a strong plot can be one of the most challenging aspects of writing, but as a beginner, you can approach it similarly to worldbuilding—by merging elements from different stories into something fresh. For example, you could take the world of Lord of the Mysteries, remove the church system, replace it with magic guilds, introduce magical towers and dungeons, and give the cities a more technologically advanced feel. You could also introduce a "land abandoned by the gods," transforming it into a "dark continent" that serves as the source of all evil. The story could revolve around the protagonist and their team trying to prevent entities from this continent from breaching the barrier protecting the human world.FinalDespite these criticisms, I can see that you have the passion and dedication necessary to improve. With time and effort, your writing will evolve. Focus on deepening character development, refining your style, and strengthening your plot, and you’ll eventually be able to craft a truly exceptional story.
Gotta say in my eyes overall you've done a pretty damn good story. I have enjoyed everything that I've read so far and I am hoping to see even more from this writing style!. Everything seems solid and I hope many many others choose to give this story a chance because it deserves success!.
Story is turning out great, we need more though! More tension and is it just me or I can feel the sexual tension among Reagan and Dahlia?I honestly can’t wait to say I called it!
yo.really loves your book.am looking forward for the next but could you check out mine, Werewolf Assistant..
Never! Never!
"Okay, what if we name it ...."
But, the nurse was there.
with this system will give a reward for host choosing his designated Armies from 5 kinds of any anime, example: if host chooses the armies from Naruto ninja war 3 this is an example.
The martial competition started the next day, so he was making a list of all the assets he could use to fight.
INT:10
"Father? It is you! I am so glad to see you again father! for years I have longed to see you again father"Chrodeas said.