This story is basically a rip off of Jay Aslan by Elawn with worse grammar. I do think it could become something good it though, just make sure it does take a different path and you don’t just change the names of people and places.
Mr Valmon Dain as a scientist, invented a machine which will be able to track voices communication over phones and using the means to report criminal act to the police but now he was In situation whereby the latest intimation no 34 he reported, the leader of the silver Arrow group happens to be her girlfriend's dad. Now watch out for what is going to happen next.
Well first of all, I myself is not used with this writing style but I can see that its well written. Though the beginnig has a lot going on in just a few sentences that I was confused at first. I can't give any advice because I already forgot most of what a book needs to have but just a quick word, hope that the author improve (There's always room for imrpovement) and I hope this books gets a lot of reader and supporter
He is torture by his wife and get second chance but his hatred is sealed. Why? Because x say too much hatred will make him insane, but i read he is not insane when he is asked by x. Okay.He can take stats from parasited thing, but after he get wolf body, he just eat the monster he killed npt use parasite skill so he get stat from the dead. Okay.After he got treasure and BOOK from zodiak tomb without reading anything he just go to town. Okay.You say he is bussines man but on auction, he just use 5 million gold coin as thought stone. Fu kingToo many contradiction.
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An action-packed novel, cultivation, and rich world background. We start the adventure of the mc. The fight scenes are good and the story is quite engaging. Keep up the work and good luck!
Could we get more of this, even though it wasn't picked ???. I think it at least deserves another 40 chapters to see where this is going there's more to read about I believe!!!!!!!
I just can't get over it. I love it too much I wish I can have all the chapters at once and read it through out the night. This is my kinda novel, I wouldnt mind sacrifising my sleep for it
First off, I would like to say that it's, more or less, an enjoyable story. It has great writing, great grammar, great flow—essentially a recipe to a good story.What's not good about this story, however, is the story and characters.I'm gonna be blunt. It just comes off as a wish fulfillment story. The main character has almost everything going perfect for him. And not only does everything go perfect for him, he IS the perfect person, amazingly intelligent, fit, nice etc. . . And don't get me even started on the system . . .Please, when writing about events, talk about the conflicts. Talk about why it's hard, why it's bad, what went wrong. You need to provide a contrasting texture to the parts of the story where things go wrong. Through events where things go wrong, we can then get character development and an interesting story.I'll illustrate what I mean a bit clearer using examples in the story. So, you have Jay stay in the rehab center (I think? Apologies if I'm using the wrong term). He decides to exercise every day. Great. Somehow, over six months he becomes incredibly and completely ripped due to his very rigorous exercise regime. Is this a thing that any person can do easily? No. It's a very unrealistic event, otherwise we'd see people like that every day. And doing it in six months is bordering on the absurd.When writing about unrealistic events, you have to make it clear why this works and is realistic in your story. Talk about how hard it is for him every day, and why your character in particular is able to go through this; he has strong willpower, is goal oriented, or very motivated? If yes, why is that so? SHOW that through the story then—don't just tell us that he has those characteristics in a list and directly to the reader. Then, try to illustrate through those events how much effort he puts into it. You basically sum up his entire effort in a few sentences AND he has no emotional reaction to achieving such a difficult thing. That's bad. He achieves what most human take years to do in six months and he doesn't seem to care (starting from ****** rehab). And I know you have the system as an excuse for this, but that simply makes for a cheap story (and still doesn't SHOW his emotional strengths in handling the pain). Don't use it as a crutch to explain away bad writing, but as a way to make your story better.My other big issue is the character. Don't have him perfect. Please. When essentially everything he gets is through no effort that is shown (yes I repeat the word 'show' a lot—it's very important in writing) it feels very unjustified and cheap. Try to take away some things from him. Does he have to be 6'4
Hello, The author here. The story starts slow and the MC disappears for a few chapters. That might discourage some of you to continue reading. I have a lot of flaws as a writer as this is my first work but I believe I will improve and so will the story and of course, the most relevant characters. along with it. Please stick with the story, there might be a few moments that make up for all the flaws the story might have. Please help me Improve.
MLT after chapter 40, don't recommend it
The story is good, the main character acts intelligent. All you need is patience as the story gets good as you follows... He doesn't act foolish as others.