The author has an amazing imagination and he makes a world background that makes sense. __________________________ _______________________
This novel either suffers from translation problems, or is just so far removed from anything else that I'm missing the point of the story. If I can't understand the basics of the setting or mc in the first four or five chapters I must be missing some context that the author thinks is implicit. I'll continue for a few and see if I change my mind, but so far this is nearly unreadable.
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Not my type of story but imma give 5 stars nonetheless because all novels need a chance to get selected and 99% of the time Bad novels get selected but can a novel be truly bad? As the saying goes “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure”
First off, I would like to say that it's, more or less, an enjoyable story. It has great writing, great grammar, great flow—essentially a recipe to a good story.What's not good about this story, however, is the story and characters.I'm gonna be blunt. It just comes off as a wish fulfillment story. The main character has almost everything going perfect for him. And not only does everything go perfect for him, he IS the perfect person, amazingly intelligent, fit, nice etc. . . And don't get me even started on the system . . .Please, when writing about events, talk about the conflicts. Talk about why it's hard, why it's bad, what went wrong. You need to provide a contrasting texture to the parts of the story where things go wrong. Through events where things go wrong, we can then get character development and an interesting story.I'll illustrate what I mean a bit clearer using examples in the story. So, you have Jay stay in the rehab center (I think? Apologies if I'm using the wrong term). He decides to exercise every day. Great. Somehow, over six months he becomes incredibly and completely ripped due to his very rigorous exercise regime. Is this a thing that any person can do easily? No. It's a very unrealistic event, otherwise we'd see people like that every day. And doing it in six months is bordering on the absurd.When writing about unrealistic events, you have to make it clear why this works and is realistic in your story. Talk about how hard it is for him every day, and why your character in particular is able to go through this; he has strong willpower, is goal oriented, or very motivated? If yes, why is that so? SHOW that through the story then—don't just tell us that he has those characteristics in a list and directly to the reader. Then, try to illustrate through those events how much effort he puts into it. You basically sum up his entire effort in a few sentences AND he has no emotional reaction to achieving such a difficult thing. That's bad. He achieves what most human take years to do in six months and he doesn't seem to care (starting from ****** rehab). And I know you have the system as an excuse for this, but that simply makes for a cheap story (and still doesn't SHOW his emotional strengths in handling the pain). Don't use it as a crutch to explain away bad writing, but as a way to make your story better.My other big issue is the character. Don't have him perfect. Please. When essentially everything he gets is through no effort that is shown (yes I repeat the word 'show' a lot—it's very important in writing) it feels very unjustified and cheap. Try to take away some things from him. Does he have to be 6'4
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Nice storyline hit major plot points were it should.Characters are well developed.World is explaind for most of the world were the main character will be in.
I'm sorry, I really tried to enjoy reading this novel. But the quality is really bad. I feel like my neurons are committing sepuku as I write this. Please find a proof reader first of all.As for the story, nothing out of the ordinary at least up to the I read. And that is the first impression.
I started it, on another website. Didn't think I would like it the way it started but it turned super good and now I'm all the way addicted keep up the great work
no need to improve cuz this novel is already gone case mc is just disgusting who only thinks how to absorb and dispose of heroines truely a pice of shit. he doesn't feel like villain but he feels more like a child between protagonist and Beelzebub whe the had intense session. it would be better if author used lust system instead of gluttony. trust me if mc could have gotten heroines in his harem and whenever hero comes across his harem and system again lables them as heroines. he could milk them of points like broken cheat . all in all your novel fails the original work of art. the worst villain mc I have seen
excellent novel I like to continue the story but not too much harem if not ruins the story.and please give more information on the hero world
utter trash novel.... please consider beforehand if you want to lose IQ very fast or not: -MC with blessing from god of dumbness -appearance from typical arrogant and cocky "arch"-enemies -forced mainstream plot -dragon power that literally every MC has-constant trash talk from every character in the novel + no real story advancement