So I went way past the chapters that you've wanted to set as premium, and now I feel like I should give my thoughts on what I've read so far.Storywise, it's fine as a generic video game novel. However there's still stuff that lacks premise and explanation. Firstly, what makes this game so special from the other games, aside from a large playerbase during release, and how does it connect to the MC's real life? I feel like there could be a massive plothole here unless you've planned the future really well, or there might be issues in the future. If the company, per se, designed these devices that are used for the game and it turns out they have something with them that touches on forbidden stuff like time travel or whatnot, you'll have to execute it really well.Now to some minor issues. Firstly, aside from during the phantom tourney where it was apparent our MC was streaming the battles, I had issues knowing when he was streaming and when he stopped streaming. Not only that, there seems to be very lacking in terms of interactions, since all the streamers I've seen frequently interact with the chat minus situations where they're forced to do something that completely preoccupies them. Although the situations you have the MC in prevents him from casually interacting, the only real interactions I've seen was only like 1 chapter in the book, and I suggest having more interactions to make the character seem more like a real streamer (e.g thanking the viewers more for their donations). I also recommend making it more obvious as to when he started streaming and when he stopped.Onto the next issue I feel. The battles, although the descriptions are there, felt lacklaster in the sense of 1, there's not really much interactions. User A uses x skill on the monster, the monster dodges, than activates x skill of its own. This also happens during tourney, as character a casts a skill that summons tentacles, but then we just jump to character b's POV of suddenly becoming entangled. I'm not sure if you can understand my suggestion here, but for example:Character A uses [warcry]. Letting out a loud howl, the members in the parties felt themselves strengthen as they watched their attack stat sharply rise. Something like this paints for more imagery, and although there are areas where you did do this, some areas felt lacking or executed not well enough. This is something you can polish.Final thing I feel that your story really needs is risk. For one, this character is playing this game for some odd reason instead of working on a way to save his family's business, yet we don't know how the game is related to his past at all. If you die in the game, you die irl is one of the most popular risks. In the case of the King's Avatar, we have the MC working towards building a new team and going back to pro league, hence there is a clear goal. With your story, aside from making a guild and whatnot, it seems like his goals are unclear of what he wants to do different in this life. If I had a chance to go back in time, I wouldn't spend it playing a video game that would eventually die unless there's a very good reason to. Be careful of these plotholes.
