Fascinating story. From the plot unique you can tell that it has the potential to blow into a sweeping story. There were logical errors there as well as sentences where the past tense should be used. But hey, we're only human. Apart from that, the story was straightforward to read and had a continuous flow. Keep up the good work. You'll do fabulous.
I have to be honest, the intial story hooked me up, but at some point it bores me when nothing still happens. On the other hand, I am excited on what will happen next. I enjoyed Colby, Donald and Heidi. Keep it up Kid!
