This story progresses well, the only flaw which, I would say, needs improving was the author's writing quality. The author highlights the narrative with the use of many adjectives, this, in itself is fine, however these adjectives have not been used to their full capacity which in turn makes the read slightly cliche and annoying. This is aided with the use of 'pointing out the obvious'. For example, "it was a scene almost everyone had gotten used to as it happens quite often" - the reader already knows that it happening frequently is how everyone had gotten used to it, there is no need to clarify. The constant clarification and not leaving things to the reader's imagination takes the enjoyment and thrill out of reading such works of art, and thus makes them bored; and for the author, it is harder for them to create dramatic twists and turns in their plot. I would also suggest to go back and read through the grammar again to spot the small errors which need refining.I am aware that this may be a lot to take in for the author, and I do apologise if it is. The writing and plot were well, the author has potential, so please do not be disheartended, there were only very small corrections which need to be made.
