This is a story with potential. I like the plot, I like the characters, and I like the world background. However, there is one thing that really leaves much to be desired: the writing quality. The words themselves are ok. They are not being spelled wrong. It's the awkward sentence structure you can frequently find, the missing words and the words not fitting the context that really lower the quality of this story. The sad thing is that these problems could be prevented easily. The author needs to do some editing, or get a beta to do it. That way this story could really be up there.