There's something deeply symbolic about water in this passage that I can't stop thinking about. Xie Zhi learns to swim from her mother, a fisherwoman who was sold into the Prefect's residence to survive. Water is both her mother's world and her own salvation—it's what saves her from the lake, but it's also what nearly drowns her. She swallows lake water, her voice becomes a kitten's mew, she drifts between sinking and floating. Water here represents both danger and agency, and that duality is exactly who Xie Zhi is.
The token she sends is another powerful symbol. It's supposed to be her message to Pei Hong, her attempt to reach out, to connect, to control her own fate. But Pei Du intercepts it. The token never arrives. This is the central tragedy of her character: everything she tries to use as a tool for escape or connection gets intercepted or twisted. She's always reaching, always scheming, always one step behind someone else's plans.
And then there's the fever. Illness as a metaphor for her entire situation—she's burning up, delirious, losing control of her body just as she's losing control of her circumstances. When she wakes and immediately asks about Shuangfu and Princess Yuyang, it shows that even in vulnerability, her mind is still calculating, still surviving. She can't turn it off.
The Old Madam's line about the temple being "cold and austere" is also worth sitting with. The temple represents escape, yes, but also erasure. To go there is to cease being a person with ambitions and become a shadow. Xie Zhi doesn't want that. She wants to stay in the world, to fight, to manipulate, to survive within the system rather than退出 it.
What I find most striking is the recurring image of her being carried. First Pei Du carries her from the lake. Then he carries her after her breakdown. She's always physically supported by the very person she claims to hate. Is this protection? Possession? I think it's both, and that ambiguity is what makes this story so rich.