The general plot idea of this chapter isn't too bad, though the writing quality could really use some improvements. Currently I'm waiting for the next update, and things are bound to get interesting. The development of the story is a but abrupt, and a lot of things could be tweaked to make each scene a lot more realistic, and lengthen the overall word count. The characters aren't too well introduced, and the description of the scenes lack action and impact. World backround is quite plenty though. Overall, it has potential in itself, just some extra effort.
