You know, what made I'm in Hollywood great is the inclusion of real life people. We get to see the mc interact with them, change their whole fate and rise above the big names.This has 0 punch in it because all names are foreign to us, they have almost no impact and we can't even know how they look and compare their personalities because they're just names here, nothing but empty names. We can't even visualize them because the descriptions are bare minimum.What im trying to say is you're good at telling stories and the prolonged paragraphs of workings of things but you're bad at making people visualize it.
