The story seems very interesting with lots of potential, but I'm very sorry to say this, but the writing quality is not that great.... ? Some paragraphs are broken on wrong places, being cut in half in the middle of a dialogue. And some parts are written like you are writing a script instead of a story + the way you write the actions around the dialogue is unnatural and off putting.Don't take my feedback to the heart, I'm just saying this because I wish for you to improve so I can enjoy the story. Please continue to write ?
