I am up to date on the story. I can say that it is a good story. A good job has been done. The characters, the development, the world are all good enough. I can't say that I experienced any boredom while reading it. You certainly did a good job. As for the suggestion part, I think it is not right to constantly assign an adjective to predicates. For example, "I'm leaving." his voice was harsh. It is normal to use this at the beginning, but as the story progresses and we get to know the character, the reader should be able to understand such things. Of course, you are the author, the decision is yours. Finally, I wonder how long the story will be, it seems like there are strange events that can be told.
