So I finished all of your current chapters. So far, you've correctly estsblished the importance of the game, it's relation to the character, the character's goals and risks. Family interactions and everything seemed fine , so the initial premise set up is all well.Now the issues. Right now it's far too early to determine any plot issues that might stick out. I can't see any problems, aside from some areas with awkward wording, such as "the son of Ren's neighborhood" when introducing Roni. I'd recommend going back and perhaps polishing these areas, but those are fairly minor as it doesn't distract from the pace or the plot. There's also some minor grammar errors just as incorrect tense usage, "Ren never even met Silvia in his entire existence..." and so on. Next would be since you're writing in third person, you really need to describe the MC. early on for readers to build a easier connections. We don't really get an idea of Ren until chapter 5 during his character creation screen, and although it is good that you did so, I personally prefer it to be done early on, especially since you even have Roni, a character that readers are supposed to hate, defined before the MC. I found this to be rather awkward personally. Other than those I can't think of anything else at the moment. I hope your next chapter fleshes out Covenant well though. Be sure to make the world gripping and interesting to explore and follow.
