raw plz.............................................................................................................................................................
There is a lot of potential with this style of writing and I do not want to see it be ruined. The elements for a good story are there but there needs to be a lot more background building and show not tell. The story is being rushed and there are rough transitions peppered throughout the novel. I recommend taking your time to smooth out the story and make it flow. There are good materials present, but you have to use them well.
